The Best of AFA Humor

A Few Deep Thoughts for 1999

· A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation.

· Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

· What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

· I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

· I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me... they were cramming for their finals.

· I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

· Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

· How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

· If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

· Clones are people two.

· If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

· If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

· Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

· Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

· Think "honk" if you're telepathic.

· If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

· If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

· So what's the speed of dark?

· How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow?

· After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

· Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

· If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

· I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

· Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

· Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

· Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

· Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

· Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

· How come abbreviated is such a long word?

· If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

· Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

· If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

· Is there another word for synonym?

· Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

· When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

· Where do Forest Rangers go to "get away from it all"?

· What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

· If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

· Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

· Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

· If a Stealth Bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

· If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

· Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

· Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

· If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

· Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

· How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

· Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?