The Best of AFA Humor

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Margaret Atwood: To survive in the bitter landscape.

The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Caesar: To come, to conquer.

Candide: To cultivate its garden.

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

Charles Darwin: It was the next logical step after coming down from the trees.

René Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.

Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

T.S. Eliot Do I dare to cross the road?

Ralph Waldo Emerson It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Epicurus: For fun.

Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Sigmund Freud: The chicken was obviously female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaenlich. The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Robert Frost: To cross the road less travelled by.

Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

James Joyce: Once upon a time, a nicens little chicken named tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down...

Immanuel Kant: Because it was a duty.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.

John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.

Moses: Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Camille Paglia: It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing this -- their minds do not work that way. Feminism tries vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them, falsely following Rousseau...

Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.

Ronald Reagan: What chicken?

Carl Rodgers: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?

Franklin Delano Roosevelt: There was nothing to fear but fear itself.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ken Starr: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the President of the United States of America, in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing, our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided it cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)

Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.

Dylan Thomas: To not go gentle into that good night.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately. And suck all the marrow out of life.

Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?